I went out for a run today and it was raining and very cloudy and dark. I kept throwing up while I was running and I was in such pain and I was so frightened. It was so dark and I was all alone. Where I go out is all land, vast empty abandoned land. I like to run out of the living area because I like my own privacy. I ran so much but then my back was in real pain so I really couldn't run much after a few laps, I was so scared. There was no one behind me but I felt like there was. It was mostly my shadow that frightened me. I'm scared of the darkness. I'm scared it'll devour me. Just eats me away and I'll disappear, it's one of my greatest fears besides drowning. It gives me a horrifying feeling, but at least not the bad memories, thank god they've been forgotten. It's so scary for me. I ran all the way home and I couldn't stop throwing up. I miss my mother, I want to go back home. I actually want to go back home this time. I like it here but I miss my mother and my siblings and friends. I miss my mother's cooking and me painting comfortably in my room. I think I'm actually homesick. I miss them all but I wonder if they miss me. I know my mother does, she calls me and asks me how I'm doing and encourages me. I just really miss her and being over there. I'm quite adaptable but since I'm actually doing better now, I just feel way more comfortable over there. And this bed is too small... I miss my bed. It's so much bigger than this and comfortable. Also because I don't really have control of what I eat and truly want to do here. I don't mind as long as it's temporary. I can't wait to go back.