It hit me so hard. I finally felt my heartbeat racing, that sensation I haven't felt for so long. I know I'm fucked up and I'm probably one of the biggest liars and freaks, I hate bringing people into my life. I absolutely hate it, why do I let them though? What do I do? No one will be willing to understand. I can't think of anyone who would. I let this lying to myself go too far. It can't be undone, I can't just do that, it's wrong. I'm hesitating so much. I don't care, what's done is done. I'll try not to care, that is. I could never live a normal life, there's just no way with such a past and experiences. It's such a bother to exist. To live a lie, I just wish I was normal. It's really ridiculous to be writing this online but I have no privacy whatsoever and I need to let my thoughts and feelings out on somewhere at least.