oh, how people make me mad, even my friends. it's like i want to say it but i know what they're going to say, "i know" or "you're just jealous". i can be jealous but not for that or if you did know then why you ask me or tell me this so i can tell you what's wrong or right about it? you want me to be jealous. and it's pretty difficult to get me actually jealous. i wish i just could spend time alone in a pleasant place i dream of. i think i could let go of everyone now. i don't care... it's like i'm already dead, emotionally. i like, want something to happen to me. i think i'm going insane again and this time it's fucking me up quite well without letting anyone else notice it. i want  to hate everyone. i want to keep thinking i'm pure, untouched, perfect. but i'm not. i hate how i lie to myself so  much but i have to, because the truth hurts. i don't think there's anyone who would love me and take care of me knowing how imperfect i am.
i hate having such thoughts, why think at all.
leave me alone.