everyone i voluntarily and help to take care and be there for them take me for granted.

so fucking pissed. you know i do so much for people most of my time than i do for myself and i rarely ever do hear a "thank you". or when i believe i am being helpful and do something and they just brush it aside like why did i even bother. fuck everyone most of the times. why do i bother though. it's such a trap. i want to be far away from everyone. leave me the fuck alone then.

so basically.
she's nothing more than a childhood friend to you... you're not going out with her.
you have no feelings for her...but you won't allow any other guys to go out with her?
Yeah so?

there's healthy introversion and unhealthy introversion. unhealthy means being depressed, alone and isolated. i have wandered too much to be stuck in between now. healthy introversion is actually good though. most of those people who made a change in the world and discovered new things were introverts. healthy ones, that is.

and also high results in

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings; emotional zombies who stopped feeling due to trauma(s) and/or can’t feel due to organic depression

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world as strange/odd

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior. Core issue is the need to be parented by others (i.e. avoid growing up / becoming self-sufficient).

and accurate.

“I don’t know if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So, if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone who’s going through it you made me not feel alone. I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen and there are people who forget what it’s like to be sixteen when they turn seventeen. I know these will all be stories some day and our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad but right now these moments are not stories. I am here and I am looking at her… and she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. You stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder and you’re listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear…

We are infinite”

— Charlie’s last letter

“It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside.”

How sweet.

“One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

and you'll forget about them too.